Side With the Bully and Blame the Victim?

I was having a conversation with a good friend this weekend, whose child also has anxiety, and we wanted to know if other parents who have children with anxiety have experienced the same dilemma that we have experienced. We thought it would be a good topic of discussion and so I told her that I would blog about it and see if we would get any feedback.

Both of our children know another student at school who will not leave them alone.  The other student is bullying them in some way, but our child will not stand up for themselves.  We’ve both encouraged our children to tell the other child to leave them alone, but both of our children say that they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.

We know that both of our children are very sensitive and that is what makes it difficult for them to confront someone else. Their worries make it more painful for them to confront the bully than to just deal with it.  However, they still feel sad about the situation.

In the past, when my son was bullied (by this same student) to the degree of sexual abuse. I talked to the appropriate school officials about it but it seemed like they wanted to pass the buck.  They didn’t want to confront the student and their family. The responsibility fell on me to finally contact child protective services.

My point is that when I tried to make a difference for my child at school the school officials asked me to teach my child to stand up for himself.  They didn’t address the bully.  Their only concern was for my child to stand up for himself.  I already knew my child needed help standing up for himself and I was already addressing that issue.

So my question is have you experienced something similar and why do so many people side with the bully and blame the victim?  I would love to hear your feedback.

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